I will continue chronicling my mom's journey on another day. I've been fighting a respiratory virus for the past two weeks and have been thrown off track. It has reminded me of my early years as a mom of young kids. Being a mom is a 24/7 job. Even when you are feeling crummy, the kids still needed to be bathed and fed and cared for. Deja vu! Even though I've felt crummy for the past two weeks, my mom needed to be cared for. She needed to be bathed and fed, diapers changed...being a caregiver is a 24/7 job. Now that Hospice is involved, I did get a little break from bath time at least 3 out of the 7 days. Was grateful for that help. I find it hard to complain about taking care of my mom. She took such good care of me while I was growing up, it only seems right that I do the same for her. But that doesn't mean its easy. Often people say things to me like "you're such a saint for caring for your mom all these years." I hate to hear that. It is so not true !! I know me better than anyone and I can assure you that sainthood is not in my future. It has been a difficult twelve years and I have regretted my decision more than once. Nothing saintly about that. When others wonder to me out loud if they should do the same with their parents, I urge them to consider their decision very carefully and try to find a different alternative. I tell my own children to find a nice nursing home for me when the time comes...because I know the tremendous price the entire family pays when a parent with Alzheimer's is brought into the home. I still would make the same decision, even knowing what I know now, but I have a very remarkable family who have been crucial in my being able to provide care for my mom. My husband, Pat, has been my strength through the years. My children, Paul, Tricia, and John, shared the burden of making a place for G-ma in our home. They all put up with her ever changing disease, many stages which were annoying beyond description, some down right embarrassing ! I'd like to think we have all become better for our caring, no doubt this is a fact. But no point in sugar coating the experience...it has been difficult and frustrating...yet I suspect we will all feel a very particular emptiness when my little mother finally is called to heaven.
