I know the look, a mixture of frustration and desperation, that takes over the faces of family members dealing with an aging parent. Especially a parent that has reached the point of needing additional care, who cannot function safely by themselves, yet still insists that they will never leave their home. It is a horrible place to be for everyone concerned. No one wants to see their parent loose their independence. And no matter our age, there is nothing simple about reversing roles with our parents. The emotional turmoil that sons and daughters go through when they have to be the ones responsible for making the decision to remove a parent from their home cannot be downplayed. And the agony that a parent goes through when they see their independence slipping away is equally as painful. It is a no win situation for all involved. Throw in the diagnosis of Alzheimer's and it becomes almost comical. The dark kind of comedy of course.
The first step in getting my mom to move in with us involved a visit. I convinced her to come down to Texas for a short visit, just to test the waters. Told her we'd try it out for a few months. Told her I could really use her help around the house. She came to visit and somewhere during that visit, after many chats, she decided she would come and live with us. My oldest brother, Pete, who had Power of Attorney, got busy and found a realtor in South Dakota to put my mom's house on the market. Much to our surprise, the house sold quickly. So our next step was another trip to South Dakota to pack up her things and make the move official. Pete met us there. Thank God he was there because what followed was a nightmare. When my mom walked into her house, she hugged the wall and started crying, saying she did not want to move. We were horrified. The papers were about to be signed to finalize the sale. We didn't need her signature to complete the sale, but how to convince her to come back to Texas? My mother, who had always been a stoic and practical to a fault, was now unreasonable and tearful, begging to have her way. I don't know about Pete, but I don't think I'll ever forget how awful I felt at that moment.
