Finally in Texas.

It was a long time ago now and I'm not really sure how we were able to convince my mom to leave her home in South Dakota and move to Texas.  I seem to recall some deception involving the realtor, explaining the situation to her and having her help us convince my mom that the papers were already signed and the deal was finalized.  This wasn't true, but she did tell my mom the young couple who were buying the house were super excited to be moving in.  I think that helped.  My mom had a big heart.  

My brother and I had one more challenge to face.  We both agreed that my mom had no business driving.  She disagreed.  So we concocted another lie.  We told my mom that Pete needed to drive her car back to his home in West Virginia because she had given him some of her belongings and he needed to transport them home.  Then we told her he would drive her car back to Texas in a few months.  That was never going to happen but she accepted the story.

This is a phase that family members often go through.  I would have to lie to my mother many times as the years passed.  I would also use her forgetfulness to change the subject.  At first I was filled with guilt.  Lying to my mother was despicable and I felt terrible.  Even though I knew it was for her own good, it still made me feel like a criminal.  As with most bad habits, it became easier with practise, but not one of my favorite coping techniques. 

I share this because this story involves two situations that create tremendous stress for adult children.  Removing a parent from their home and taking away the car.  The second is usually the most difficult.  Taking away the car represents loss of freedom - not only for the parent but for the adult child.  Most Alzheimer's victims will refuse to give up the car keys way beyond the point that is safe.  It is not easy to tell mom or dad that they can't have the keys to the car, especially when they can't see the problem.  Many have to resort to trickery of some kind.  I've heard stories of family members disabling the car or the garage door (if you have an automatic garage door). Hiding the keys is effective.  But the other challenge of taking away the car is that now you have to help them find transportation.  Their loss of freedom has a direct impact on the family.  Now their Doctor's appointments become your Dr's appointments.  Their grocery shopping becomes your trip to the store.  There is nothing easy about Alzheimer's!